"In the world I see....you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned super-highway." - Chuck Palahniuk
"It is always simply a matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country." - Hitler's propaganda chief Herman Goerring
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Samhain & blood..............
Whoo fucking hoo it's Samhain!!! Halloween for all yall non-witch fuckers!!!! What a good weekend & day!
Lemme first defend whatever I end up writing by saying that I'm high as a bitch, on my 3rd goblet of merlot, & the Dark One is coursing thru my twisted veins...........Life, sometimes, is grand. I'm looking at 9 bloody cuts on my arm that I did myself. I'm a little disappointed in that I was hoping for dripping blood...what I ended up with was squeezed out blood that I was able to wipe on the blade and then transfer that to the fire. I sacrificed to Her and it was humbling. They didn't hurt, but I was still afraid to go deeper. I like them. I knew I would if I ever broke down and cut myself. One of the reasons I always stuck to burning and hitting. I knew cutting would be too addictive. I like them a lot. I think they're sexy. Maybe I should be writing this in my other diary..........hmmmmm.... The kid started off trick-or-treating as Hello Kitty dressed up as Mike D. Then she was Decapitated Hello Kitty. Then she was (her words) The Headless Kitty. She filled her lil cauldron with candy twice! She wasn't grounded on Halloween! This was literally the first time that's happened!! I took off work today and so the 3-day weekend was much loved, but over too fast. I'm gonna be working 6 days weeks until January (don't know if I mentioned that before or not) & I'm trying my best to accept that. I"m trying my best to accept a lot of things right now. I like running my fingers along the cuts. Fuck, what does that mean??? Is it a BDSM thing or a danger of getting back into self-mutilation?? Are they really that different? Fuck. Ya, they are. To me at least. I didn't do it because I wanted to punish myself and I didn't do it because I hate myself. and I didn't do it because it was some sort of half-ass suicide attempt. I did it for Her and I like it because it turns me on. I want baby to do it to me. I want baby to be okay with this. I'm drunk. I needed my life to change. I really did, so I'm greatful. I look different. I feel different. I feel like I look better than I have in 1-2 years. I would still like more weight gone, but fuck...that's not that big of a deal. I dress more like me again. I embrace myself again. I can't explain that much better. More than one person asked what my costume was tonight. More than one person said that they like my "goth" costume. I didn't weart a costume for Halloween this year, but I dressed they way I've been dressing more and more lately. I'm not running from all the parts of me. I quit smoking. I'm eating mostly organic again. I'm doing ceremonies again. I'm embracing my dark again. I'm feeling a little more me every day. Fuck, I"m even doing crunches at night. Merry meet & Merry part, motherfuckers!3:00 a.m. - Monday, Oct. 31, 2005
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