"In the world I see....you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned super-highway." - Chuck Palahniuk
"It is always simply a matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country." - Hitler's propaganda chief Herman Goerring
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eat shit............................fucking bells palsey
Facial Stroke. I’m paralyzed on the left side of my face. Sometimes I can blink, but not completely. Most of the time my eye area is numb & most of my face is numb in the cheek area. The rest from my shoulder up is in terrible pain. I’m on Soma & Vicodin. I finally got a weekend w/just the two of us and I can’t stop crying. It started Thursday, as soon as my parents left, on my lunch break. In the blink of an eye, for lack of better words, my face went slack & doesn’t work anymore. Doctor says it’s Bells Palsey. Says it’ll go away in a few weeks to a year….hopefully. Says I shouldn’t have any permanent effects provided that my cornea doesn’t dry out too much and ruin, provided that I didn’t sever a nerve in my face, provided that my face doesn’t re-route it’s nerves to try to compensate for this…provided my luck is different than what it always is.
We didn’t go anywhere on our mini-vacation other than to the ER. We didn’t get in the pool at all b/c I can’t close my eye. I couldn’t dye my hair b/c I can’t close my eye. We had to sit and watch tv a lot b/c I’m so doped up and I have to keep the heat and ice on my neck and face. We didn’t get hardly anything cleaned in the disgusting house b/c I can’t move that much. Doctor says it’s brought on by stress. Cause this is helping my stress level a whole fucking lot. I actually come into work today and even tho my boss has seen me this way for several days now, does he say anything? He tells me that I need to leave my personal life at the door. I have never brought my shit in here. The only time I have EVER discussed my personal life w/him is the ONE TIME HE ASKED ME. I answered him short & sweet. He tells my that my lip ring isn’t professional & I need to check myself in the mirror to make sure that I’m representing myself correctly before I come to work. I don’t wear my lip ring to work. Never have. Ever. I can’t move my head. I can’t see hardly at all. I haven’t said one word of complaint at work, but the only thing he can say to me is to ask me if my meds are gonna impair my ability to do my job. Thanks. Then he makes me try to change 2 light bulbs at the top of the cathedral ceilings in the lobby……are we surprised that I broke glass everywhere? Then I have to sweep up glass in my bare feet b/c I can’t do all this in my un-professional heels. Now I’m shaking and feverish and sick at my stomach, so I have to take more pills, so I’m more out of it & I have to drive home in an hour. He’s suspended our quarterly bonus’s for a month (or more) & I’m still not sure why. But he assures me, like they all do, that he has no complaints w/me….I’m doing fine…..really….. You can’t run away from your luck. It follows you no matter where you go. I can switch jobs all I want….but it always finds me. It’s always soooo unusual for the (person, job, company, situation, etc.) but it’s the same-old-same-old for me. Just remember to keep that stress level down. Just remember that it’ll all work itself out in the end. Keep in mind that it’ll be fine…just fine…..when I’m fucking dead.4:42 p.m. - Monday, Apr. 17, 2006
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