"In the world I see....you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned super-highway." - Chuck Palahniuk
"It is always simply a matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country." - Hitler's propaganda chief Herman Goerring
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Told ya'll I was a lazy beast................
The email waiting for me was a nice thing to find. I woke up pissy & it’s helped to defuse the tension some. Sorry I bailed on you last night, but we were stretched out on the bed running our mouths & the next thing I knew….Sadie woke us up at 4 am sitting on Jacinda’s stomach & begging for luvins. Glad she found us and not the kid or I’d never hear the end of it. (ya….sadie was sitting on Jacinda’s stomach meowing to be pet)
That doesn’t surprise me with Beth at all. I couldn’t tell you how often over the years I would point out that she was coming across as only calling someone when she needed something & that she abandoned anyone and anything the second she had a chance to go get high. I mean come on….Sheena as a friend??? There was a chick she met at….big surprise….a gas station and was such good friends, but the second she met a cheaper drug dealer at a different gas station…..never called 1st friend again & now this one is such a good friend. Of course….that one was also replaced by one that she hasn’t called since she went into the mental hospital this last time. Sasha also made a really good impression on Beth when she got drunk & belligerent that time we all went out together to the bar & you guys had to scurry out of the house. You don’t have to mail me presents b/c you didn’t even have to get me anything, butt-head. A pan??? That is a lil odd. I had a xmas present for Paul for almost 2 years before I finally just chucked it in the trash. Didn’t think he’d still be able to use a calendar that old. I don’t remember what I did fill you in on last night….so you’ll just get the full re-cap. Sasha behaved herself at therapy & actually did show up. Des confessed to me on the drive over that she had been telling her mother all kinds of crap that m&d were doing. Said that she exaggerated almost everything & that she only told her mom negative things b/c she wanted Sasha to feel sorry for her & come home. Admitted she only told me positive things & swore that she didn’t exaggerate any of them. Told her it was understandable but it was one of the things her mom & I were arguing about b/c I believed her over her mom. Told her that she could have gotten herself taken from me & that she could have gotten grandparents in trouble. Told her that she no longer is getting to choose when she stays with me or when she stays with them & that she will be spending a hell of a lotta more time with me this summer. Told her she wasn’t in trouble and this wasn’t a punishment, but obviously she’s doing a cry for attention and she has my attention. Told her that if she wasn’t staying over there very often then she’d have less of an opportunity to lie about what’s going on over there. Mom cried yesterday when I finally told her about what Sasha had been saying every time I went somewhere with Jacinda & said she couldn’t believe Sasha would say such horrible lies about them. Told her last night, after Des & I got home, that Sasha was telling the truth cause Des had been telling her these horrible things about them and mom cried some more. She said it definitely was a good idea that Des spent some more time at home. I did not apologize to Sasha cause I didn’t do anything wrong. I reminded mom several times that Des is not even 9 yet and kids in her situation act out….mostly in a lot worse ways. Therapist was real nice and I think Des is gonna do real well with her. Chick does a group therapy for kids that Des will start next week for 10 weeks. It’s every Monday, so m&d will probably have to take her to it unless I can get Joe to change my schedule for a lil while. Her good friend Heather is in the group & so Des is happy that she already knows someone. She was given a homework packet that Sasha & I both have to help with her some, so that means happy fun for me. We almost made it thru clean until we were at the door to leave the building, when Des asked S if she was gonna hang out with us and maybe go to a movie (don’t you love how she slipped the movie bit in?). Sasha, of course, had meetings to do but said that maybe sometime this weekend they could b/c she’ll “be getting paid & then I’ll have some money to pay for some of it”. !!! She’s obviously been dying her hair still, she still buys cigarettes, she can afford the movies…..but she still hasn’t given me one red cent. She then says to me that she needs to still come over sometime this weekend to get the rest of her stuff. I told her that I had 2 paper boxes from work & I’m sure I can pack up her stuff in it for her and give it to her sometime Friday. She tells me that most of it was accumulated since we both lived together….I laughed & said most of it was already mine & that I’d like not to get ridiculous about this…she points out the toe-ring I’m wearing is hers, a celtic pendant, some of the books (but I can have the pagan one b/c she’s starting her own collection…..1 of them is hers & she can have it). God, this is gonna me mature. I said we’d discuss this at another time. Took Des out to Denny’s for an early dinner and then went home. Immediately called mom and started packing up Sasha’s shit. I filled the 2 paper boxes and I don’t see anything else in that house that she could possibly think…..sanely & reasonably…..is hers! I packed a good bit of shit that really wasn’t hers but she can have it anyhow. What really frightens me….& I told both mom and Jacinda this….is that she’s gonna try to take some of the Stephen King books….and I am gonna be all of 3 years old at that point b/c she’s NOT getting any of them. Think I frightened Jacinda a bit in my tearing thru the house in an angry ball of pissery. She finally got me to stop and stretch out on the bed & breathe (& cry) & then I passed out. Thought my sinuses were just getting irritated with all the dust I dug up last night…but I’m thinking I may have woken up with a cold. If I’m sick then I do feel a lil better about the fact that I’m still crying a good bit today. Am not sure where the crying is coming from.9:40 a.m. - Wednesday, Jun. 27, 2007
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