You've Been Warned.......

"In the world I see....you are stalking elk through the damp canyon forests around the ruins of Rockefeller Center. You'll wear leather clothes that will last you the rest of your life. You'll climb the wrist-thick kudzu vines that wrap the Sears Tower. And when you look down, you'll see tiny figures pounding corn, laying strips of venison on the empty car pool lane of some abandoned super-highway." - Chuck Palahniuk

"It is always simply a matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. The people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country." - Hitler's propaganda chief Herman Goerring

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It’s been over 2 months since I last wrote……….

Check this funny shit out….....

So, what’s been going on with my life? I haven’t written in a while b/c I really wanted to take some space to collect my thoughts. Plus I knew that things would keep changing and evolving and felt that I could save myself some time by waiting a while. Plus….....I just didn’t make the time to do it.

We went back to the Farmer’s Market for the 2nd time. Once again we bought all kinds of fresh goodies & ate at a lil Cuban place….....mmmmmmmmmmm…....sautéed chicken in onion & garlic, plantains, yellow rice, fresh watermelon juice, & fresh sangria. Mui bueno!! Bought 2 hilarious feminist books in a used bookstore…”The Creation of the Patriarchy” & “Scum Manifesto”. Drove J’s car for the 1st time and made it out of the driveway before some chick hits it. Yup, you heard me. She was in a work vehicle so she had no choice but to have the cop fill out the full report (cop was NOT amused). Had to tell Sharon on Monday & she only calmed down after she heard that I cried off & on all damn day about it…....Jacinda laughed thru the whole thing, at least.

I haven’t seen Des in 2 months. I haven’t spoken to her in about as long. Sasha has restricted my parents to visitation only under her supervision at the ½ way house. She has restricted my visitations to only in the presence of Des’s therapist. I won’t do it.

1st off….I get a call from Des’s therapist at my work on September 12 (1 month to the day since Des moved out) saying she was concerned about something Des had said in group. I had to tell Ms. Wendy that Des was taken from me a month ago & that S told me that she had notified the Health Department. Woman tells me that Des has often said that she sees spirits and that they talk to her which never really concerned her, but she is now telling her shrink that the “voices are telling her to do things to people. Bad things.” WTF??? This is all she would tell me. Told her that I totally agreed with her that Des needs more 1-on-1 counseling and she needs it NOW. Unfortunately, it’s outta my hands. I no longer have the authority to ensure that it happens. Wished her good luck with Sasha on it. I am so glad this isn’t my responsibility. I am. Is that horrible of me?? Don’t get me wrong…I am truly worried about Des, but…BUT she has been lieing thru her teeth in the last 6 months! She’s at this drug house with all kinds of people with mental problems.....…her mother claims to “hear voices” that tell her to do things. Her mother is constantly telling the kid & me & everyone else that EVERYTHING she’s ever done is not her fault cause she has a sickness and can’t help it. It just sounds real convenient that now that Des is alone with these people she suddenly hears voices that tell her to do bad things, so therefore…....none of it’s her fault.

The next night around 8pm I get a call from Des & she’s fucking hysterical. What would you do if a 9 year old girl calls you after bedtime, sobbing, & tells you that she’s totally alone in the house…...she thinks “mommy is in North Port somewhere’…...no one else is home…...no one is next door except “some guy” whom she says she doesn’t know at all…...AND she’s not allowed to lock the doors? She says that she’s scared that someone is gonna come in the house and hurt her because no one is there and she can’t lock the door. If I go over there, then James the Genius can have me thrown in jail for trespassing & unlawful entry. What the fuck would you do??? CALL THE COPS! I wasn’t on the phone 10 min’s when my father beeps in on the other line to make sure I know what’s going on b/c Des called them first. Told him I was on the other line with her and he tells me to go back to Des and just call him when I get off the phone. Said he’s called the cops to let them know the situation. What else were we supposed to do? Tell Des to “suck it up” & go to bed??? The only reason I didn’t call the cops is cause I learned so quickly that it had already been taken care of. I was on the phone for an hour & a ½ before another adult showed up to stay with Des. While I was on the phone I heard the deputy come in & check on Des.

Now……...make no mistake that due to her dishonesty problem I was taking Destiny’s whole story with a grain of salt, but you don’t take risks in a situation where a child may be in danger. I would personally much rather find out later that a kid lied…....than to have something happen to a kid and have to say that since I wasn’t 100% sure they were being honest I did nothing. Sasha sends me a text msg just as I’m getting off the phone w/Des only saying that if I want to know what the police said to call her. I call her and she immediately starts going off on me that I’d called the cops & that the sheriff told her they didn’t do anything wrong and she was in the right. I had no business…...blah blah blah…...I laughed & told her that it was a female deputy who verified I was the one on the phone with Des while she was there, she can’t tell you who called the police by law, & I didn’t call. “Well she said you did”. No, she didn’t. Hangs up on me. Calls me back later to say she found out it wasn’t me and that she heard my name mentioned by the deputy and just didn’t hear anything else from there. God how I’ve missed those things about her!! Makes me regret ever throwing her sorry ass to the curb!

I don’t’ hear anything for almost 2 weeks from Des when she calls me on a Thursday (9/27) & wants to see me that weekend. Great! She says she still has to get permission from mommy, but will call me tomorrow & let me know. OK! She said that as long as I don’t let Grandmommy & Granddaddy see her then she’s pretty sure she can see me. Told her, very nicely, that if mommy has some new rules for me then mommy will have to speak to me directly about them b/c you’re too young for that kind of responsibility. No call Friday. No call Saturday. She calls me Sunday morning and wants to know when I’m coming to get her that day but she has a pool party that she’ll be at most of the day! Told her that I don’t get ordered around anymore & that she was supposed to call me Friday. Told her that when I didn’t hear from her I assumed that she’d changed her mind again & I promised Jacinda yesterday that I’d help her clean up her house for a prospective buyer to look at. They were scheduled to be there that afternoon, we just got started….I’m not even in my car. Told her to have lotsa fun at the party, but I gave my word to help out already. Told her I’d love to talk to her later if she has anytime before bed. I get a text from Sasha that night asking what was decided about my visit with Des that day. Told her what transpired & she sends me back a pissy text that it’s too much on Des to have to make all the decisions and that I haven’t seen Des in a while and I can call more often.

I called the bitch.

I’ve had soooooo enough of the damn text game with her!!!! UGH!!! Wouldn’t you know that by the end of my phone call with her it comes out that she was given a written citation for neglectful parent from the deputy that night the cops got called? If she gets either 1 or 2 more, Des gets taken away from her. During the conversation with her, she ended up giving me 4 DIFFERENT VERSIONS of what happened between her & my dad that night & why she restricted them to supervised visitations… ...I just couldn’t not say anything about her attitude with my parents & the fact that she restricted their visitations. I told her she was a compulsive liar and I was grateful for every day without her. She tried putting the blame on ME for how lil I’ve gotten to see Des since she moved out & that it was too much pressure on Des always having to decide…....reminded her that I gave her paperwork with a schedule which would have given me 3 days a week plus every other weekend plus alternate holidays, but noooo she wanted Des to decide my visits. Told her she can’t have it both ways. Naturally when it was convenient for her throughout this conversation.....…her “memory isn’t good from the MS”, “I’ve been having seizures & they’ve wiped my memory clean”…....she’s just sooo sick. Poor, poor baby. Of course, on many other things she yelled at me that she remembered perfectly this conversation or that one. Told her that it was too much pressure on Des to have to relay all of her new rules to me & that it wasn’t her job to be the adult. Told her that since these new rules concern my parents that yes it IS my business & there’s no way in HELL that I will EVER agree to making sure that they aren’t anywhere around when Des is with me. Told her that they finally feel comfortable enough to just drop by from time to time and that I was not about to tell them they couldn’t cause Sasha’s in control! Told her she was “being a whiney little bitch that needed to suck up the fact that you got busted AGAIN”. She abandoned the child in the middle of the night. What did she expect?? In the 10 years I’ve known Sasha NOTHING has ever once been her fault!

So, she told me that since I won’t agree to ban my parents I can’t be trusted and now my visits would have to be supervised. Told her that “I am NOT sitting there with you & the other dead-beats breathing in the smoke & I am not there to see YOU! You and I are over. Deal with reality for ONCE in your life.” Dead silence for a few seconds….....“Fine, then I tell you what…you can only see Des at her therapy appointments with Ms. Wendy!!” To which I replied, “Rub a fucking lamp, honey. I am not the one who screwed up. I am not the one who needs to be supervised around children b/c I am not the one who is an abusive looser! Plus, I work for a living!”…...….“What’s that supposed to mean? I have a job.” .... “No, you don’t. A job means a paycheck. A real paycheck & not the imaginary one that you’re gonna finally get ‘next week’” She then had the nerve to act all hurt and say that there was no reason to throw low blows. Told her there wasn’t enough hours in the day to throw the ones I have for her and I was simply being honest. Hung up on her, so I didn’t vent out everything, but I FINALLY stood up for myself and my parents and refused to let her control me. It felt damn good, too. Cried a bit about Des, but I knew she’d cut me off if I ever stood up to her. It’s why I never expected her to sign the visitation papers. I just couldn’t let this go! I won’t spend my life under her control any longer.

Thus, bitches, you have the depths of my bad/harsh news of late. What’s up with me that’s good?...

On the weekend of 10/5 Jacinda, Trev, & I went to Jacksonville for a hockey tournament! I got to watch Canadian Hotness in 4 games!!! Whoo hoo! We left right after my work on Friday & she played her first game that night, played 2 on Saturday, & the title match on Sunday. They won all of them! She got a medal. It was a blast. Trevor has never been to one of her tournaments & it was great knowing that because of me he finally could. His father only ever took him to one or so games in 4 years & said that he wasn’t doing it again b/c he wasn’t chasing Trev all over the place (meaning he wasn’t allowed to drink at the game) & I have now taken the boy to 6 games. J was over-whelmed with the fact that she could look over and see her smiling son. He was excellent for me, too! Seriously. While we were there, Jason called to let us know that Daryll got busted with his 3rd DUI, Knowingly Driving on Suspended, & Refusal to Submit to a Breathalyzer!!! I wanna put the mug-shot on the xmas card this year!! He’s making this way too easy for her to win full custody & everything else.

OH, here’s a weird one even for me…… ...Jacinda, Kelly, Gina, Hope, & I have…....god help me…....ended up making it that once a month we all get together and have a porn party. Yup, you heard me. Not exactly sure how we ended up here, but…....Kelly had mentioned a few times several months ago when she and Jacinda were talking about Daryll’s homo love-life, that she just can’t picture 2 guys. Can’t get her mind wrapped around it. Apparently she was relentless at work with the questions about Daryll & Hardy, & just men in general & it was beginning to drive Jacinda nuts. When Jacinda tells me one night that this has been quite the subject of conversation, I told her that Sasha’s old porn was still here (I have since given it all to Jason) and I knew one of them has bi guys on it. We both thought it was a hilarious idea to give it to the Blonde1 & she’d either be wronged or watch it and finally satisfy her morbid curiosity. She gives it to her and girlfriend was scary-excited. Takes her a few weeks to get the alone time to watch it……...& no guy action on it. She since becomes obsessed, so Jacinda jokes that we’ll have to rent her one….from there it evolves to talking about renting a few for variety, you’d have to be trashed to watch them, the other chicks hear of this and say that they’re also curious and find it all just hilarious…....& someone suggests us all getting together, going to the porn-store to rent some, & getting trashed off our asses watching them. We had the 1st one on 9/29 & Hope named it “Pornucopia” because it’s a “cornucopia of porn” she said. We found drinks called Chica Chica’s, which is the name of Hardy’s dog…....plus it’s a pink fruity drink! We found penis straws to drink from at the porn store. Got 3 movies, got TRASHED & had a blast. Everyone decided that we’re gonna do this the last weekend of each month & each one will be themed with drinks corresponding. These are NORMAL soccer-mom type looking women doing this! Fucking hilarious. Part of the joke is that they have to be bizarre & wrong and we’ve been amusing ourselves waaay too much with coming up with names for each party theme. So far we have:

Pornucopia - gay male
Pornotopia - Little People
Pornapalooza - huge people
Porntiquing - Grannies
Pornfoolery - clowns/bloopers
Pornalottapus - lesbians
Porntasia - shemales
Pornishment - bdsm
Pornucation - instructional videos

So much is going on, bitches. Have I mentioned that Jacinda has moved in with me??? I don’t think I have. Like everything else it’s such a long story, but Jackass decided to throw a jealous drunken fit, in front of his boyfriend, and insist that he was moving back into the house…...…no, no….....back into the BED even! Tells her a few days later that she has to also get her stuff out or he’s gonna make her pay the electric bill. So…..she and Trev have a new home with me and most of her stuff is living in storage. Of course Jackass is telling everyone that he never made her move out. Of course Jackass still wants her to pay all of the bills, go grocery shopping for him, and in general do whatever he says or wants. He’s whining to his grammy that Trev means the world to him even tho he bails on the kid all the time and doesn’t pay a fucking cent for him, he’s jealous of her & I even tho he’s bitching to grammy about J wanting to have sex too often and he never touched her in the last year they were together, he wants to jump off the bridge but won’t for Trev’s sake…....blah blah blah. Same old shit. The divorce stuff is killing me to watch Jacinda go thru. I would do anything to make it easier on her. I hate having to just watch everything happen. Some day she will be free of that son of a bitch and I swear that I am gonna make sure that I treat her the way she deserves.

What else? Survived Halloween. Dumped most all of my traditions for this year, but the house looks like a pumpkin yacked everywhere. Been having poker nights every other weekend. Went to the Pumpkin Fest and had a good ol’ time. Sharon has her days back & forth with her mood. Trevor & I are ever growing closer (which I think worries Jacinda more than anyone else, but not for any bad reason). Broken my rule about xmas shopping before thanksgiving & have already bought Trev all of his & Jacinda a couple of things. Am back on my eating plan and can already tell a lil weight is gone. Economy has everyone stressed. 1,000 things have Snuggle-bunny stressed. Snuggle-bunny has finally found out about the Sadie Song. Went to 2 more hockey games (god I have a serious thing for both the uniform and the “hockey funk”! What the hell is wrong with me??). My tooth has chipped some more and now it hurts…....time for the fucking dentist.

Caio for now, bitches…………...

11:05 a.m. - Friday, Nov. 09, 2007

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